Valentine’s Day is coming. For a moment part of the world will be filled with red hearts and roses and talking about all of us being halves of apples or oranges or some other fruits that are easily cut in half. But are we halves-of-whatever? Really? I don’t think so. And while I like being married, I still think that the only person you NEED to befriend is YOU. And this post describes why.
What feels good
I was trying to straighten my still-not-very-awake limbs when Yaz (my wonderful yoga teacher) told us to take a minute and do something that feels good.
‘Oh yea, I’ve heard that one before’, I thought.
Yet it took me off guard again. What exactly does it mean for me today? Or when was the last time I checked in with myself?
And is this enough to think about what feels good only every once in a while when I am on the yoga mat? Which, to be totally honest with you, doesn’t happen as often as I’d like.
How often do you check in on your children/partner/parents/friends/colleagues? Basically on all the people in your life? How much time do you spend together? Listen to them and take care of them?
No, I am not calling you out here. I’m sure you’re doing your best 🙂 It’s just that from my experience, I know how easy it is to throw yourself into work and life duties.
Trying to be:
– a loving wife,
– attentive friend,
– caring daughter,
– conscientious employee,
(etc. etc. put here as many of your life roles as you want) and to think about everyone else before even figuring out what’s going on in my own mind or body.
And keep forgetting to check in on me until I get sick – because that’s usually the STOP sign that reminds me I am just a human.
Research shows it all
Recently I’ve come across research that shows that the older we get, the more time we spend alone (I am not talking here about loneliness).
According to it, when we’re 15 yo we spend about 7h with people and only 3h on our own. When we get to the 80s this changes to 8h spent alone and 6h with other people.
It’s also interesting to see how it changes who we spend the most time with – and you can check this whole article here.
Imagine getting stuck on holiday with someone you don’t know or like. And there’s really no way to get rid of them. You can either get to know them and learn how to like them to have valuable time and fun together or… be miserable. For the whole stay. Would be a pity, right? What a waste of nerves and time!
Especially that well… one’s life usually lasts longer than any summer holiday 😉
So that only person you need to befriend is YOU
You are the only person you can’t run from… or you can try but it is actually not very healthy…
What if we stop thinking that we’re halves, or incomplete this way or another? That as much as taking care of others it is important to take care of ourselves. Not in order to become selfish and careless and demanding, but to give as much love as we give to other people we care about.
I think that actually helps me to be a better wife/friend/daughter etc. Because when my inner batteries are charged I can be some sort of a power bank for others.
And sometimes charging myself means as much as going to the cinema all by myself for this movie I really wanted to see on the big screen and had no one that would like to watch it too.
To you know… befriend yourself.
So that every time you get up and see your face in the mirror you can be happy about it. And smile and high-five yourself.
To welcome yourself like you usually welcome your best friend.
“Your crown has been bought and paid for. Put it on your head and wear it”
– Maya Angelou